Broken dreams

I wish life has a rewind button , if  it has I wouldn't have suffered for two years at my school. It happened one day when my parents are excited to read an news paper Ad of Vidyaa Vikas Educational Institutions. Around 300-500 people got cut-off range from 193.5 to 198.75. Its a competitive world . They wanted me to get a good cut-off like them in the next year.

I got 84% in Maths and 87% in Science in my Xth std. My parents wanted me to study somewhere else but not in my present school NMCMHSS. They had given me  two choices SRV, Rasipuram or VVMHSS , Tiruchengode. I wanted to go Vidyaa Vikas because I had never seen a big school (Its big than my old skool!). We paid around 58k bucks to get into admission at Vidyaa Vikas , Karmadai. I was happy because hostel life is new to me and exciting and being away parent's hold seemed to be a good idea.The Infrastructure was good.

My expectations soon failed in the first few weeks.No wonder 400 people got T.C and left the school in the first month. But I didn't give up because I know I came for a reason .I did my +1 well. I was in the class top ten . It was a matter of pride because I am the top ten after a very long time of my life(the last time I was in top ten was when i was studying kindergarten)

Around August , they started my +2 portions. It was very difficult for me to understand because they hadn't even completed the +1 portions , at least half of it.  My grades begin to decrease. I scored poor in maths in my Quarterly. I complained to my dad that I cant understand. Did he cared? The teacher rushes the subject at the rate a chapter per class.

Some statistics:
   They finish a chapter in one class. The duration of each class is one and half hour. I have two classes of physics , chemistry and maths each day . That makes two chapters of each subject are covered per day.
At hostel: I need two hours to revise a chapter . That makes me 2x6=12hrs to learn. My study time starts at 6 pm , so I have to study till 6 am sacrificing my sleep  and dinner which makes me impossible for this lazy lad.

And so the daily routine continues. The teacher want to cover up the portions so badly , they do skip a lot or say some bullshit which we cant understand and hence makes the class boring . Awww!!(Yawns) , sleep is inevitable . So I don't know what the heck they are doing in the name of teaching. I come to school , eat , sleep and go. My school keep a lot of tests and its obvious I started to fail. I tried to understand but I cant. Reason: I skipped a grade just like that and I am not used to this kinda practice.

Yeah, I got some mental disorders , If I get distracted , its very hard for me to concentrate. Peer pressure , idiotic wardens , tormenting teachers and P.T torture etc disturb me a lot,My disorders got critical and I want to come out of hostel(Still , I cant escape the circus).

Time passed and I became a dunce. I lost all my interest in studies even in my favorite subjects physics and chemistry. The way they teach is SHIT!. If I go and complain it to the management  then no body could save you from getting your butt kicked . I became mentally unstable.

If someone asked me whats my ambition and passion was ? I would say "Automobiles!". Bikes always fantasizes me . Their power to weight ratio etc. You may say every teenager loves bikes and are interested in them but I am a way too far, I wanna build my career out of it.How many of you know what's a DTS-i engine or difference between short stroke and long stroke? And there I made an another mistake.
Yeah! , I am interested in Automotives so my career pathway is studying B.tech mech in an internationally recognized deemed university. Then do my M.S in automotive at RWTH Aachen (My dream) and get placed in world class manufactures like Ducati , Volkswagen etc. This is my mistake. I desired and dreamed where I wanted to be instead of leaving it to my parents and career consultants. This dream is not possible for me studying in this rotten school.

I failed in maths in my board exam. I wish I could have failed in physics and chemistry too so that I can wipe out the marks by writing the exam again. I need 60% in Phy , Chem and Maths to get eligible to apply for  deemed universities.I don't know whether there is an improvement exam, I will be glad to study +2 again and understand it . I think I  am not really a dunce because my I.Q is above average, Our education system suppress our creativity and all they need is good memory . I don't want to be a hard disk , I am like the  RAM.I should have studied somewhere , I should have go against my parents when they put me in this hell.

And now , I am just a loser. I don't know whether the improvement exam exists. My dreams are shattered if i didn't get into deemed colleges. No wonder many students suicide. This government massacres them and the parents to play an important role.Suicidal thoughts? suicide has no value . Come on , how long will they mourn for you ? A week ? A month? then you fade away, But I don't know how much more I can tolerate this. I have to find a way.  Broken dreams? This is my fight , I will fight or Ill die tryin,,,